I've had many inquiries lately on the best way to start a group if your child has multiple half siblings that you wish to keep in touch with, whether sporadically or regularly.  The information below is my opinion and advice based on my 5+ years experience in owning a group and maintaining relationships with the 30 families (50+ children) in our group:

#1 Start a private yahoo group

To do this, start by going to www.yahoogroups.com  and click on “start your group”.  Then follow the steps to create a group. Give the group name as many details about your group as possible (i.e. “Fairfax Cryobank Sperm Donor #1234”) to be searchable by those looking for you.  Then include a short description and mission of your group (i.e. “this group is for families of Fairfax Cryobank Sperm Donor #1234 to keep in touch and share information and photos”).  You should make yourself the moderator/owner of the group

#2 Group settings

Set your group settings to be membership only. This will ensure the privacy of the members of your group so that everyone feels comfortable sharing information.  The owner/moderator will decide who to approve membership for.  A good way to “screen” potential members is to have several preset questions that you ask folks who are requesting membership including but not limited to requesting a photo of their children or some other information that makes you feel confident that the potential member is legitimate and not someone from the media attempting to join.

#3 Communication with your group

Please keep in mind that although your children share the same sperm donor, the families who may be joining your group come from all walks of life, many different cultures, lifestyles, political parties, views about donor families, views about disclosure to children, etc.  So, it’s a good rule of thumb to avoid politics or any controversial topics with your “new family”.   It’s also a good idea to keep any strong opinions about anything to yourself.  Your goal should be to develop friendships which enable your children to have these familial connections later (or now if you choose).  If you happen to develop close friendships with some families due to similar views, etc that is icing on the cake!

#4 Accepting the variety of families that join your group and the different levels of communication they desire

It’s important to note that some families, after being approved for membership, will prefer to just quietly lurk.  As long as your approve membership for a family, please understand that it isn’t “personal” if some families choose to do this as they may not be ready to have a relationship but rather are just looking to maintain contact for their children later in life, etc.

More info to come!